Deena's Adoption Video

It was such a long wait to bring Deena home, and we are overjoyed that she is now in our arms!  Here is a video of our trip to India to bring her home. 

 

Stories From Our Last Few Days

Whew!!  What a whirlwind this trip has been so far!

Yesterday we flew from Bangalore to Delhi.  The flight went smoothly, though getting Deena safely on and off the plane was very nerve-wracking.  Her little bones are so bent and I'm so nervous to hurt her.  Thankfully we got on and off safely.  Next we got checked in to our hotel.  We spent the rest of the day relaxing and then ate at our hotel.  We found the little chocolate shop in our hotel too, and Deena was SO excited.  She said, "Mom, I eat sweets!!"

 

 

 

 

 

We also discovered that Deena enjoys experimenting and mixing together all her food.  Then she enjoys trying to feed it to momma.  Yuck!!  She did enjoy dinner though so that's good.  Oh, and potatoes are her new love. 

 

 

 

 



Today we had to head to MaxMed for her examination by the international doctor.  The doctor was the same doctor who saw Ramya, and it was nice knowing what to expect and where to go.  The guy at the front counter wasn't understanding why were there and kept trying to turn us away, but I knew to keep asking/explaining and then he finally understood and got us to the right spot.  Deena did NOT like the TB test and I hate that they had to prick her.  She clung to me and yelled, "momma, big pain!".  I held her, though, and comforted her, and at least now she knows that I will be there when she is hurting. 

 

 

 

I asked the doctor if he knew where I could get a wheelchair with Deena.  Mostly I hold her like a baby and we do fine.  We want to go see the Taj Mahal, though, and I worry about her getting bumped and hurt.  She can't spread her legs to get in the toddlerhawk carrier I brought, so I can't use it at all.  I got her in my ringsling ok, but her legs stick out sideways and I'm nervous about her legs getting bumped.  I also thought it would be good to have in the hotel and the airport.  The doctor told us of a place that had affordable wheelchairs, so we headed over there to buy one.  It cost only $85 US dollars for a brand new wheelchair!  It's totally worth it to know she will be safe and won't get hurt!

 

 

 



 

 

After leaving with the wheelchair we had to head to the FRRO office and figure out the new requirements that were needed for an exit permit and how to obtain them. 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm not going to lie, it was a big mess.  To begin with, they wanted some documentation from our hotel saying we were staying there, but it had to be a very specific form.  After about an hour and many, many calls, they were able to e-mail it from the hotel and we were able to fill out the rest of the paperwork.  My phone bill won't be pretty, but we got what we needed, so all is good.  We then figured out I needed passport photos for myself, as the exit visa is apparently for me to leave with Deena, but gets registered under me.  I had gotten some passport photos of Deena taken by a friend of our driver in Bangalore, but didn't realize I needed some of myself.  Luckily there was a random guy that sets up close to the FRRO office and takes and prints passport photos on the spot. Smart guy!!  It only cost 60 rupees too, so that was nice and convenient and cheap.

 

 

After I got the photos we were able to complete the paperwork.  They made an appointment for me to come back tomorrow to apply.  When I went to the front to ask a question, though, they sent me inside to go ahead and apply right there.  They went through my paperwork and said they thought I was good to go, but told me that I couldn't get everything until we had Deena's visa, which we get after her TB test gets read and then we go to the embassy.  Then they told me I better not book travel yet.  I informed them I already had travel booked and cannot change it.  After showing them the date and time of travel, they decided that should be fine.  Next, and this is where I almost had a mini-heart attack, they told me because David's name is on the CARA NOC paperwork, we couldn't leave until David came to the office in India too.  I started praying immediately and told them that he was with my other girls, one whom had seizures, and could not come to India.  I asked if we could talk to CARA and find a way for me to be able to leave with her so they went in another area to talk to CARA for me.  They came back and said that it would be ok, David would not have to come to India.  Thank God!!  We go back Wednesday to finish the documentation and then pick up the exit visa we need. Please be praying this goes smoothly!  This is all new and we are one of the first adoptive families to need this documentation.  The kiddos were so bored as the whole process took a few hours, but they were so cute and funny together.  I took a video because they were cracking me, and each other, up!  Conner just thinks Deena is the best and she has him wrapped around her finger.

 



 

 





 Next up was eating.  Our driver took us to a super yummy, clean restaurant.  The kids gobbled up their food!  It was so good!  Deena thoroughly enjoyed washing her utensils in her cup of water.  She cracks me up!

 

 



After eating we went to a little indoor market to look around and then decided to head back to the hotel.  Deena wanted more sweets and happily picked a chocolate ball on a stick.  Here she is proudly holding our bag of chocolate...

I took a cute video of her with her chocolate.  She is hilarious and so precious!

Deena is so smart and hilarious.  She is very animated and says the funniest stuff.  Yesterday Conner was being crazy and she said, "Momma, Conner is too much boy!".  She can recognize numbers, say her abc's, count to 100, write her name, and so much more.  She has a feisty streak too, but of course, she wouldn't fit in to our family if she didn't.  We are really enjoying watching her explore and experience so many new things.  She's such a joy! 

Our Appointment at the Melmed Center and Our New Eating Strategy

Today I took Ramya for her appointment at the Melmed Center.  We made an appointment at the recommendation of the school district when Ramya underwent her testing there.  My goal was to gain practical strategies for helping her learn, since we homeschool and I take my job pretty seriously ;). 

The developmental pediatrician we saw was a really nice doctor who was born in Pakistan but had extensive knowledge about adoption, orphanages in India, and common practices in India.  I was so glad!  She spent about an hour and a half with us talking about everything Ramya.... behaviors, attachment, history, learning, eating, and anything else we could think of.

We just started a new eating strategy with Ramya that I devised (I'll post more about that below) and I got a chance to talk to the doctor about it.  She said she thought it was perfect and she was really glad to see I was already doing what she would have recommended.  Yeah!  Since attachment issues and eating issues are all new to me, I feel like I'm flying by the seat of my pants sometimes.  I read a ton of books but the practical day-to-day implementation and hands-on practice of what I read just feels totally new to me.  It was very reassuring to hear that we were doing ok!  She liked our approach to the milk as a daily "extra" for weight gain and didn't think there was anything to add there.  I talked to her about our GI visits and my concerns there and she totally agreed with me that GI is not a good fit for us, as they do not really understand Ramya and her unique background.  Whew!

We discussed Ramya's learning needs and the doctor recommended that we get a psychoeducational evaluation.  The test is not covered by insurance and is very expensive, but I feel it is important and want to go ahead and get it.   The test will give us the specifics of the areas she does well in, the areas she is low in, what ways she learns best, how she processes information, etc...  It's 2 days of testing, at 2 hours per day, then a day to go over the results.  They will give me practical strategies and approaches for teaching her and helping her learn.  Though I cannot say I am looking forward to it, I know that the information we get from the testing will help me to know how to teach her and how to best help her learn and is really important for me to know. 

Another topic we discussed is Ramya's behaviors (things like lying, being controlling, attention-seeking behaviors, eating issues, jealousy, tantrums, etc...) and she felt like they are totally normal for a child with her background, which I totally agree with.  I basically told her it's all stuff we anticipated and nothing I thought was out of the norm.  I told her our strategies at home and she said that we were doing what she would recommend and just to keep it up and be consistent.  She is hopeful, based on what she saw in our interactions, that the behaviors will taper off after about 3-4 years of being home with us.  She said right now she is still trying to figure out if this is forever, and what exactly forever means, which I agree with.  I still feel that she is trying to figure out "family" and her role as "daughter" and "sister". 

The doctor recommended getting a hearing a vision test, but not through the district, which is what we did in the past.  I already had the vision test scheduled with Dr. Glonek next Tuesday so I will schedule the hearing tomorrow so they are both on the calendar.  Other than that, there's not much she recommends.  She said she could diagnose her with ADHD if we wanted, but that she recommended waiting to see if she has attention issues or if it is processing issues that are exhibiting as attention issues.  I told her a diagnosis wouldn't change anything anyhow, and that I wouldn't want medication anyway, and that I'd rather not diagnose her at this time, and she was fine with that.   We will see her again in 4 months to talk about the testing results and see if there is anything further she recommends. 




So back to the eating...




I have been thinking  (and praying) long and hard about our eating struggles.  Ramya has been spiraling since my hospital stay with Madi and things had gotten even worse in so many areas, especially eating.  The control over food and attention-seeking behaviors with food were over-the-top.  I just came to the point where I wanted to break down in tears because every meal was so terrible.  Hours and hours and hours every day.  It was hard to just sit down and have fun after meals because I was so tense and the rest of the day was so rushed.  I smiled, we played, the kids had fun, but felt it was fake and really wasn't feeling happy, that's for sure.  I was just trying to fake it until I could make it real, if that makes sense.  With homeschooling, therapy, and appointments, life can be busy anyway, but add in hours of eating every day and it was terrible.  I knew that something had to give for not just mine and David's sanity, but hers as well.  It's so hard with her because positive feedback or negative feedback for food get us in the same spot... it gives her power over us and power with her food, which leads to control over food and refusal to eat when she feels she needs control.  I decided the best thing we could do is stop giving any attention to food, positive of negative, so it loses it's power.

When meal time comes, we pick out what goes on the plate together and I make sure she has what she needs on the plate (meaning something with protein and healthy fats, fruits or veggies, a grain, etc...).    I set a timer for 30 minutes and I sit by her.  We talk about our day, what we will be doing, funny things that happened, anything and everything, other than food.  I do not ask her to take bites.  I do not tell her good job.  I do not remind her that her body needs food to grow.  I do not give her any feedback on how she is doing.  She doesn't like the lack of attention with food, so when she tells me something like "look mom, I took a bite", I just tell her, "Remember that mommy is not worried about food, so you don't have to tell me, it's ok.", or something to that extent.  When the timer gets to 25 minutes, it automatically gives a warning and turns yellow (it glows green up until 25 minutes).  Then, when time is up, it gives another warning and turns red.  This way the timer is giving the reminders and she is managing food herself, instead of it coming from me (or David, since we are both using this strategy).  At the end, eating time is over and I put the food away.  Of course I still need to make sure she is getting enough calories, so if she hasn't eaten enough, I give her some extra of her high-fat and high-protein milk so that she is still getting what she needs, but without any positive or negative pressure with food.

We have only been using this strategy since the start of the week, and of course I do expect some testing of boundaries with it, but my hope is that staying consistent will mean no more food battles and more quality time together.  I really believe that we need to get to the root of the food issues and try and heal what is causing them.  Hopefully having less time on eating will mean more quality time together to just enjoy each other and work on attaching and bonding.  So far it is working well and she is eating the same amount of food as she ate before, but it takes 30 minutes instead of 1 1/2-2 hours.  Because she would wait for either positive or negative feedback to take a bite (or hold it in her mouth if we weren't looking, because she knew she wouldn't get feedback if we weren't looking), eating took forever.  And when she wanted attention (so constantly ;)) she would not eat to get that attention.  But without that part, eating takes so much less time.  That, of course, leaves us more time for playing, dancing, rocking, homeschooling and just being, which is what we needed.  I am seeing her strong need for control change shape now, which isn't great as it's targeted towards Madi and Conner quite often, but we will get there slowly but surely.  I try to give her lots of appropriate choices throughout the day so that she has some control.  Though it doesn't solve the problem, it does help, and I know it will all just take time.  I also try to give her lots of appropriate attention in other areas which helps.  Ramya is such a sweet and fun girl, so enjoying time with her is easy!

So that is that for now.  I have some big announcements to make, but it's almost 1 a.m. so those will just have to wait.  Please continue to pray for our family as we continue to grow as a family of five.  Even though it has been almost a year and a half since we officially became a family of five this process of learning, growing, and healing will be ongoing for years for all of us.  Please pray for wisdom and guidance as we go continue on this journey together, as well as for lots of peace, healing, and joy.  Thank you!

 

Some Hard Test Results

This week was a hard week and I haven't blogged about it yet, so I figured it's about time.  I have been getting Madi and Ramya tested through our local school district.  It's not so they can attend school, as they will be homeschooling, but so that I can apply for an ESA for them.  In Arizona, a child with a disability who is not attending a public school can get extra money to be used towards curriculum, therapies, and also to save for college.  You go through testing in the district and whatever extra money the district would get for that child, based on the services they would qualify for, you can get instead.  They both need 100 days of public school (we will be doing k-12 online), and then we can apply, now that the testing is done.  We plan to use the money towards extra therapies (fun ones, like music therapy), curriculum, and therapeutic riding lessons.
 
Earlier this week I went in for Ramya's testing results.  I was a bit taken back by them and am still trying to process it all and come up with a game plan.  Ramya's IQ came back at 58 using the Woodcock-Johnson Test of Cognitive Abilities.  That rates her at "very low", and according to them, she is intellectually disabled. 

Woodcock-Johnson R

IQ Score	WJ III Classification[34]
131 and above	Very superior
121 to 130	Superior
111 to 120	High Average
90 to 110	Average
80 to 89	Low Average
70 to 79	Low
69 and below	Very Low

I expected Ramya's test scores to be low.  Not only do you have the lack of consistent care, nutrition, and educational activities the first 5 years of her life, but she also has only been home 1 year so she hasn't had time to catch up on language, experiences, and life yet.  She's still trying to figure out this thing called family as well. Then you add in her emotional needs, low attention span, and food issues, and things get a little more complicated.  But the truth is, I knew something was going on.  She really struggles with retaining information, and so many times, I have wondered what I was doing wrong.  For example, we work daily on letters.  We do one letter a week.  We write our letters in sand, in salt, make them with play-dough, form them with handwriting without tears blocks, write them, paint them, make them in shaving cream, make them with wiki sticks, make an alphabet book, look for them in books, read alphabet books, trace them on textured letter puzzles, and the list goes on (and on, and on, and on...).  We also review our letters consistently.  I think after this year, she possibly remembers about 6-8 of them, with most of those being the letters in her name (but she can now remember most of her name WITHOUT prompting... this is HUGE!).  We also work on counting daily with one-to-one correspondence.  I thought she had counting to ten, but most days, it's gone again.  She is still skipping many numbers.  I really did  not expect her to test so low, though, and it's taken me back a bit.  She scored pretty well in verbal (in the 70's), but auditory and visual processing, memory, and all of the other areas were mostly in the 50's.  It's tricky because she is very verbal, so it's easy to assume she understands, but that's not always the case. 

The teachers (OT, PT, psychologist, special education teacher, and speech teacher were all there) were very supportive and encouraging.  They said that even though IQ doesn't often change much, they think in Ramya's case there is good reason to think once she gets more experiences and gets more time to catch up, we will see her IQ numbers move.  I completely agree!  I KNOW she is smart, I just have to figure out the best ways to work with her to help her succeed.  They also said I am doing all of the right things with her.  They said she will just need repetition and that I have to keep doing those things over and over again.  I  also have an appointment coming up with a developmental pediatrician at the Melmed center and I am looking forward to getting feedback from them in addition.   I am also going to use some of the extra money we get for her for tutoring.  I want to bring in a tutor that is very knowledgeable in helping kiddos with special needs to work with her and also to help coach me in how to best help her.  I am also looking in to auditory and visual processing therapy  see if that may help.  Right now I am so very thankful to have my background in Education (I have my Master's degree in elementary education, a reading endorsement, and an SEI endorsement).  I really believe my background will help with teaching her, and I am so thankful God primed me to be her teacher!  We also have a lot of resources available to us, and am I thankful for that as well.  I am stumbling through a plan of attack, but it's slowly coming along and I now have more peace about how to proceed. 

When looking back at this past year and how far Ramya has come, it's amazing to see the huge strides she has made.  When she first came home, she couldn't hold scissors.  When she could finally hold them, she didn't have enough strength to close them.  Now she can hold a paper in one hand and scissors in the other and cut a basic shape.  She used to know how to hold a pencil, but could do nothing more than make very tiny lines on paper.  Now she is able to draw some of her shapes, and is even creating drawings on her own.  When I sat down with her a few days ago, she drew a picture of herself that actually included eyes, a smile, and a body!  She can mostly remember her name and how to write it, and can also spell it out loud most of the time.  She knows her basic shapes and colors, and remembers about 6-8 letters.  She can recognize a few written numbers as well.  Even though learning seems slow at times, she IS learning and is making a lot of improvement.  Her English is also coming right along and she speaks in full, clear sentences.  Oh, and the singing.... there is lots and lots of singing ;).  

Please keep us all in your prayers.  Between Ramya's newly diagnosed food allergies and trying to figure all of that out, our upcoming trip to Boston for a second opinion on Madi's upcoming surgery, Madi's upcoming surgery (June 2nd), and the rest of life, of course, there is a lot going on right now.  David and I are a good team and the kiddos are rock stars, but there are moments that can still feel stressful none-the-less.  The other day I had to make so many phone calls, my phone was dead before lunch.  Those are days I just don't love.  Please pay for peace that surpasses all understanding, clear direction on how to proceed with Madi's surgery, the right therapists and strategies to help Ramya, and lots of days of fun and laughter sprinkled in between.  We are so thankful for our village and all of your prayers!

But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

- Isaiah 40:31

 

 

 

The Moment I Have Been Waiting For!

 

Orphanage Gifts and India News

We finally heard back from the orphange and basically they are STILL waiting on the courts to send them the paperwork saying the adoption is official.  That means the orphanage is still waiting to apply for Ramya's passport.  Sigh.  Please be praying this will be done quickly!

In other news, my friend Amanda (who is most likely joining me in India... WOOO HOOOO!!) has very generously decided to try and purchase gifts and supplies for the kids in the orphanage (about 100 kids).   She is raising money to be able to purchase gifts for the kids and has two different ways you can help:

1. You can donate directly to her and she will be purchasing the items.  Her paypal is amanda.mcmahon@gmail.com
2. Amanda will be donating 15% of all of her thirty-one orders purchased between now and November 15th.  You can purchase great items and help bring toys and supplies to the orphanage by following this link:  http://www.mythirtyone.com/shop/eventhome.aspx?eventId=E2465535&from=DIRECTLINK

Oh, and we are home from the hospital!!  I'm VERY excited about that one :).  Thanks for checking in on us!

A Ramya Update and a Reminder of our Court Date

Today we got an update on Ramya.  She was standing up nice and tall in HKFOs that actually FIT HER!  This is huge, and I am so excited to see the smile on her face as she stands in them.  They also said that the therapist requested a walker for Ramya, so there are plans for her to get one soon.  I'm very excited for her!

I opened the description from the orphange to read about how Ramya is doing, and the very first sentence just broke my heart. 

Ramya is usually in her crib.

It was pretty hard to get past that sentence and read the rest of the update with any sort of joy.  All I can think about is my little angel just sitting there and how much of life she is missing out on.  With my background in Education and with what I know about brain development, I can't help but think about how many connections she is not developing because she is not interacting with those around her.  I want her out.  I want her home.  I am just not happy with how long it is taking when she is, quite literally, just sitting there.  I am so sad for her.  I know that she will be home soon, and I know that God's timing is perfect, but I am just struggling right now.  Please be praying for all of our hearts in this last little stretch before we get her home.

Our first court date is August 23rd.  Please pray that the courts see is favorably and that our next court dates are set up shortly after the first.  Please pray that we are approved quickly so that we can bring our little girl home. 

Thank you for your prayers and for helping us bring our Ramya home to us!

Encouraging Words

You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry .

Psalm 10:17

I "met" a wonderful woman, Sue, through our blog.  She had adopted a child with spina bifida and was needing some encouragement and advice.  She has also adopted two children from India, and had encouragement and advice to offer me.  It's the perfect match :).  Though I have never met Sue, and I have only known her for a short time, her words have always been uplifting and comforting, and I have appreciated having her in my life.  Today I got an e-mail from her that was EXACTLY what I needed to hear.  I just had to share part of it.

I wanted to share something with you before I forget!  The woman who headed up the India program for both of my Indian adoptions is coming to Delaware tomorrow.  There are five families now who have adopted from India after we did - mostly church families but not all.  Anyway, she is incredible with placing special needs children.  Long story short, she has been to the orphanage where Ramya is (I told her about you and Ramya and shared your blog address).  She said it was one of the best places she could be while you are waiting. 


Oh how I needed to hear that today.  This wait has been really hard on me emotionally.  I literally run to the mailbox as soon as I hear the mailman, and am always saddened when I find nothing from the courts in there.  I think about Ramya all the time, and pray for her often.  In a way, I think this waiting is good.  I believe that this yearning for her is going to help build attachment.  The wait is really hard, though.  David has a great attitude about it.  He says he sees it as a done deal and that things will happen in God's timing.  I know he is right and I envy his peace with it all.  I, on the other hand, feel like part of me is missing.  I feel distracted and pretty blah.  I am sure it is silly to feel that way since we have not even been approved yet, but I do.  So to hear Sue's words to me today were such a huge blessing. 
 

"She said it was one of the best places she could be while you are waiting." 
 

Praise God!

Asking for a favor from all my local families :)

We just found out that the orphanage director was pleased with our interest in Manasa (the one year old girl in India that has spina bifida and needs a home), but wants to see our homestudy ASAP, so we are trying our best to get it done quickly.  Anyhow, I was trying to think of some fundraiser ideas for all the fees (aprox. $25,000 total, but not all at once) and thought of having a big garage sale. If anyone has things around their house they were going to donate anyway, I'd love to take them off your hands for a big garage sale to earn money towards the adoption. I can come pick everything up. We will be having it April 15th and 16th. I won't have tax right-off forms, but I will have lots of thankful smiles :). Also, if anyone has an ideas for fundraising for me, please let me know :).

Madi and Grammy at one of Conner's preschool parties